Long Island Marriage Counseling Blog – Blame, Blame, Blame

LI Marriage Counseling Center, Huntington, NY

From Dr. Kramer – Give me a call now at 631-553-1476 to make an appointment or email me at Marriage Counseling Long Island.

“When Blame overwhelms the Good in the marriage

I have never met anyone at the

LI Marriage Counseling Center at Huntington, NY

who wanted their marriage to end from the beginning. Most people who come to the LI Marriage Counseling Center say they loved their spouse at the beginning. They say things like: ‘He was a lot of fun.’ ‘She was so good with money.’ ‘I thought he would make a great parent.’ ‘I really loved her.’

When I ask each spouse if they could have predicted the demise of the marriage at the beginning by focusing on the patterns that now irk them, they say yes. So they knew there was a potential problem in the marriage but it did not register strongly enough to overcome the positive feelings at the beginning of the marriage.

Why do these patterns that irk ever overwhelm the feelings of love and caring in the marriage. These patterns are always there, but only sometimes create a snap in the marital rubber band.

My own experience at the Long Island Marriage Counseling Center for more than 35 years tells me that the patterns that are always there become exaggerated when other stressors hit the marriage. Other stressors include money problems, changes in life circumstances such as children moving out, moving, getting fired, aging, illness, etc. When we have to adjust to those changes and our own stress level goes up, it is very easy to focus on the patterns of our spouse that are irritating to us. They seem to magnify to fit our need to dump our own anxiety.

So the best thing anyone can do to save their marriage is to learn to calm down their own reactivity – their own emotional overreactions. One way to do that is to learn to meditate. Others find calm through music, escape to nature, walking, and other physical exercises.

If you have similar circumstances, please send me an email using the form to the right or call me. I would love to discuss.

From Dr. Kramer – Give me a call now at 631-553-1476 to make an appointment or email me at Marriage Counseling Long Island.Warmly, Diane

Dr. Diane Kramer, Psychologist
Long Island Marriage Counseling Center at Huntington, NY
75 Prospect St., Suite 103
Huntington, NY 11743
631-553-1476