Long Island Marriage Counseling Blog – Marriage and Ego Needs

by Dr. Diane Kramer on April 25, 2010

LI Marriage Counseling Center, Huntington, NY

“Long Island Marriage Counseling – Marriage and Ego Needs

Long Island Marriage Counseling – At the root of many couples’ problems are ego needs, specifically the need to feel good about Self. There are many ways to feel good about Self, some of them healthy that end up benefitting the marriage, and some of them that are potentially destructive to the marriage.

In this blog column, we will take a look at the destructive patterns – ways of making oneself feel good that are not healthy for the marriage. Our next blog will cover constructive patterns.

Comparisons – Many people feel good about themselves by comparing Self to other and feeling superior. Because this method depends on perceiving onesself as better than another, it can backfire. What if you suddenly notice someone better than you? In marriages we have helped at the Long Island Marriage Counseling Center, Comparison is a common theme. One client, for example, felt inferior to his wife’s first husband, and was constantly putting him down as a way to feel superior. The wife felt as if two men were always in the room, her current husband and her former husband.

Having to Achieve – Those individuals who have to achieve bigtime in order to feel good about themselves often end up sacrificing their marriage by burying themselves in their work. One of our clients at the Long Island Marriage Counseling Center used to push himself to make 20k per month in order to feel adequate. Meanwhile he was so busy that his wife was off having an affair.

Needing External Feedback – Sometimes at the Long Island Center, an individual shows up who needs a lot of stroking and external feedback to feel good. The individual I am thinking of was so hooked on that feedback that she was easily hooked into having an affair. She was a sitting duck for the guy who seduced her. Unfortunately, her husband found out and divorced her. No second chances there!

Long Island Marriage Counseling Center – If you have similar circumstances, please send me an email using the form to the right or call me. I would love to discuss.

Warmly, Diane

Dr. Diane Kramer, Marrriage Counselor and Psychologist
Long Island Marriage Counseling Center at Huntington, NY
75 Prospect St., Suite 103
Huntington, NY 11743
631-630-0570

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